my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
