You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
he shaved USA in his pubs
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
