I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
