i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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