I am in a vortex of obligation.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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