Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Sponge bath it is.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
