it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
