I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
