I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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