what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
