yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
