I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
