Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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