One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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