i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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