A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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