Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
