Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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