the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
