I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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