Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
How does one acquire holy water?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
