DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
