sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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