I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
