just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
