dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
