She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
