I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
