end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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