I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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