We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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