My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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