so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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