He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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