I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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