i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
