he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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