i don't like sucking hair
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
