We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
