I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
