you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
