Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
