need another drink. this is the easiest way
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
