I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
