Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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