I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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