Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
