Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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