I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
