I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize