The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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