He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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