Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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