I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
