I swear she didn't look like that last week.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
