laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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