So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
