Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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