I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
