drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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