I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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