I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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