I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
