He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
