I cannot find my penis.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
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