Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
