he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
