I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize