Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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