Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
