I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
