So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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