i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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