are you still at the devil's house?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
