No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
