so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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