Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
